Sunday, February 3, 2013

Still Don't Know Who to Cheer for in Super Bowl XLVII?

If you still don't know who to cheer for in tonight's big game, I've compiled an impartial list of stuff that may sway you either direction. 


Let's start with the San Francisco 49ers:


  • Harbaugh
  • Kokaine Biceps Colin Kaepernick 



  • Randy Moss says he's the greatest wide-receiver of all time.
  • GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSS
  • That guy on the 49ers who doesn't like gays.





Now for the Baltimore Ray Lewis-vens:


 LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!

  •  Other Harbaugh
  • Ray Lewis
  • Ray Lewis
  • Ray Lewis

  • I like Ray Lewis
  • I hate Ray Lewis
  • I heard Ray Lewis killed a goldfish.
  • I heard Ray Lewis may have fucked my wife.
  • Wait, are you telling me deer antler spray isn't an aphrodisiac?
  •  Michael Oher
  • Who the fuck is Michael Oher?
 This.
  • Oops, I knew that, cuz like OMG BLIND SIDE, TOTES THE GREATEST MOVIE EVAR
  • Michael Oher doesn't like the Blind Side
  • John Harbaugh (the coach) requested to play clips of the movie to the team to hype them up for the game.  For serious.


I hope this impartial list got you excited for the Super Bowl!

-Bat.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

"Some Black Guy Did it" Is still a plausible excuse

Oh Lord, you already know this is coming from Boston, the city that replaced "nigger" with "Monday."  Now, I'm a sarcastic motherfucker.  So, I read between the lines of everything Wes Welker's wife was saying in that facebook status.  Check this if you didn't hear about that.  Wes Welker's wife, because, she doesn't get a name.  A life of being pretty doesn't merit being called by name from me, especially when you're pretty enough to be sniveling little twat, and nobody says shit.




BUT, we're not gonna talk about her.  I'm not gonna do that.  I'm not gonna say she's choked more than her husband in big time playoff moments.  I'm not saying that.  Because I hate sarcasm.  Lulz. What I don't like is that it is the 21st century and people still use cookie-cutter perception models that shape their image of all black people.  You hear a teaser to the next news headline, and its a rape, or a robbery, or a murder, and the image that forms in your head is black man.  And at this point, any non-black reader seeing this goes, "well, that's not me, I would never."  Yes, you would, bitch, yes you would.  You don't even know you do it.  It's the reason people still cringe at the O.J. verdict.  He was so guiltyI just know it!

Wes Welker's wife tossed out the usual black man stereotypes embodied by Ray Lewis.  6 kids by 4 wives.  Acquitted for murder and that he paid a family off.  Not only is this information false, I don't think many people were looking to even refute such falsehoods.  Because--well, I mean, we've all seen these stories before.  Can't we all just assume all of that's true?  And it's all under the veil of such snarky animosity. 

There are people who have never had to think about not only how their words affect others, but never thought why they think such things or where such thoughts even originated.  These people, we call 'stupids.'  I'm not worried about the stupids like Wes Welker's titty doll.  What I'm worried about are the people who know these things and use them to capitalize and in some cases, get away with some very heinous crimes. 

"A BLACK GUY DID IT!"  Check out the Charles Stuart case of 1989 (Boston, who'da thunk it, right?), or even more recently the Bob Bashara case of 2011 (Grosse Pointe, Detroit suburb).  Both of them are the same.  All evidence points to the husband killing wifey.  But the media, perhaps not even the justice system, just latches on to one thing the public seems plausible, and they just ride with it.  That something is: some black guy did it.  Say that, and they will have these dummy cops searching every black man in the city, because that is just more plausible, than investigating the one guy with motive.  How many innocent black men have went to the chair or underneath the oak tree, for a white woman they didn't have anything to do with, didn't even know? 


--Bat

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Beyonce Got that Skin Disease that Uncle Ruckus and Manti Te'o's girlfriend got

Daaayyyyuuummm, it's been a long time since Destiny's Child huh?





Is this Beyonce or Jessica Simpson?  This is a white girl, y'all.  I'm sayin,' what did she do?  And what the fuck did they do to her hair??  Do she got that vitiligo?  That shit Michael Jackson had?  Or does she have what will from now on be known as the Lennay Kekua disease, where you just get clearer and clearer until you don't exist anymore?  Look at this:




Back in 90s, Beyonce was about five shades darker.  Did she get touched by the great holy spirit of dearly departed Ronald Reagan?




Shut the fuck up, Sammy Sosa.  I heard your explanation and it's still not making any sense.  And you better lawyer up, because word has it that Manti Te'o's girlfriend overdosed on your skin cream.  Now nobody can find her!



File this one under:  Manti Te'o and the case of the disappearing minorities.  That sounds like a good ass thriller.