OK Django, you win...

Alright, Tarentino, I'll see your damn movie.  And people, don't get me wrong, I love Tarentino films, almost all of them.  My one gripe is one that most people may not recognize and most certainly wouldn't care about, but it's there.  It's not even quite as dramatic or cryptic as Spike Lee's reason for not wanting to see the movie.  

The reason is simply that I am particularly wary about the direction Hollywood is heading with this whole 'rewriting history for the sake of entertainment' thing.  It's a page taken right out of George Orwell's '1984.'  Or to be even more specific, something to the tune of Walter Rodney's 'How Europe Underdeveloped Africa.'  The theme is: 'history belongs to the victors.'  Hollywood media is the most prevalent source of entertainment in the world.  And, unfortunately, it has also become a very prevalent source of information as well.  People get their facts from mainstream Hollywood movies, and don't understand truth doesn't work like that.  Hollywood is an engine designed to produce profit based on audience turnout.  They have this down to a formula.  I have a very big problem with skewing truth for entertainment value.

Which brings me to my second point.  'History belongs to the victors.'  That stings.  Though it's not a conscious effort to bring about such a degrading parallel in the underdevelopment of Africa, the same notion made me cringe with Tarentino's Inglorious Basterds.  I'm not even Jewish, and that fact that non-Jewish people could revel and rejoice in a fanciful yarn about returning agency to the Jewish people, and equally ball their faces in disgust at the nefarious antics of Hitler, felt wrong, because it only reminds you that it didn't happen like that.  You wished it did, but it didn't.  People still suffer, despite attempts by others to change the meaning of something horrendous, for the sake of entertaining.  Non-blacks will enter the world of a freed slave-turned-bounty-hunter, and unite in a shared disgust in the horror that was slavery.  Sounds like some good ol' 'Heal the World' shit, right?    However, what agitates me most is that I highly doubt a black writer/director could have passed this thing in Hollywood.  I highly doubt it because Tyler Perry.  No, I'll elaborate.  It's almost as if Django Unchained is given as a gift to us, one that we cannot give ourselves.  Because, as I said, people unfortunately form the way they think from the Hollywood perception of things.  If the only thing mainstream accepts is funny, angry black women, cross-dressing, sexually ambiguous rom-coms; people don't think we can help ourselves!  There ARE black writers who don't write about gangs, guns, and cross-dressing.  Dr. Boyce Watkins said it best:

"If you want to understand this film, imagine a mainstream version of the John Singleton film Rosewood, with a lot more action.  To be honest, only a white guy could have made this movie and convinced so many white people to pay money to see it."

History belongs to the victors.  We choose to remind ourselves of the shit we did to you because we want to, and the story will be written in our books, told by our teachers, played in our theaters.  You have no agency in what truth you want to tell, and you should be happy we're telling your story at all. 

 Heck, George Lucas could barely get Red Tails through, Django had no problem.  It's going to get awards.  Watch it win Best Picture or something.  The reason I make this connection is that from what I'm hearing Django, is that it was very entertaining, and hardly offensive.  Entertaining. Red Tails might have been too respectable, or at least been a fair attempt at being 'Hollywood accurate.' Our history is made to be entertaining, and now I'm worrying.  

I'll watch your damn movie, though.

Peace.
-Bat

Rob Parker and the people who hate him

So I was going to do a post on Rob Parker a lot earlier, but I decided I'd wait until I saw the whole show and digested everything he actually said, and make my call.  In short, I delved too deep.  You're gonna see what I'm talking about.  Look at the segment in it's entirety:

And then part 2:

I do like that Steven A. tried to at least inform Rob Parker that he was saying some dumb shit that was about to get him fired/suspended, while simultaneously putting a very positive spin back on it.  Of course, Skip Bayless then asks a ridiculous person a ridiculous question, about his braids.  At that point, I was convinced--he's drunk.  Rob Parker came in drunk that day, you can see it in his eyes, he's not making any sense.  He's not even pretending that facts matter.  He's "Glenn Beck-ing" it.  How are you going to come on a nationally televised broadcast with some garbage people said in the barbershop.  DRUNK.  I'll accept an apology from Rob Parker and if he actually says he was intoxicated, talking about his white fiancee, and maybe I don't know, is a Republican ("I'm asking questions!"), I swear I'll believe he was.  As soon as the braids comment came back, changing RGIII from cornball brother to brother within 20 seconds.  You poor. drunken. stooge.

BUT!

Oh, there is a but!  I always play that game.  Whenever someone does some stupid in the public sphere.  Everybody has to get their little two cents in (including me).  Most of these people might just be your everyday troll, but others might actually have some degree of public influence.  Those select few people have a duty.  It's a very simple duty.  That duty is called "don't be a complete psychopath with a microphone in your hands."  Condemning the actions of one, while simultaneously exposing your own craziness.  Check out this ball of sunshine and see if you can pinpoint where this video goes from funny to straight up Uncle Ruckus.  Peep the video.


This shit was like a suspense thriller!  Dude was funny, I was laughing and then: "BLACK WOMEN MADE HIM DO IT!! THE WORST EVIL ON THE PLANET!!"

What. The. Fuck.  And he's not joking.  Follow the guy on twitter @tjsotomayor.  He's a radio personality in Atlanta (which leads me again to ask the question: what the hell is in the water in Atlanta?)  Actually, don't follow him, just look.  You'll be tired after two minutes.  You'll see a timeline full of black women are nappy whores and evil and this and that.  What planet is this?

Rob Parker...and the people who hate him.  Do you go with the devil you know?

Peace.
-Bat

Guy in Mitt Romney mask robs bank

 A man wearing a Mitt Romney mask and a Florida State hoodie robbed a Wells Fargo bank in Sterling, Virginia Thursday morning.  Apparently, robbing one teller wasn't enough.  He ended up robbing all five tellers before fleeing.  The police began their investigation at Party City to see if anyone bought a Mitt Romney mask that week.  Best and brightest right there...


See the video, along with the rest of the story here.

Meanwhile at Old Spice...

Just when you thought they'd stop at the Terry Crews Muscle music generator, the Old Spice guys got in the lab with Dikembe Mutombo and came up with a video game.

 


Yo what the hell is this?!  It's pretty fun though.  I can't beat it yet by the way, somebody tell me how it ends.  Play it here.

 

What's Mitt doing right now?

Yo! New segment called 'What Did Mitt Romney Do Today?'

Because I just find his life so interesting, from meeting Pacquiao before he got knocked out moments later, to eating Boston Market for Thanksgiving dinner.  I wanna know!  So what did he do today?

Well, he got named biggest liar of 2012, but that's hogwash.  Paul Mooney had some words, though:


"Actually, they thought they had the perfect white man. You know that, they really did. They thought they had the perfect white man. To me he wasn’t, and they kept talking about how handsome he looked. He looked like…a waterhead baby that rides on those special buses. He wasn’t perfect to me."

Read the whole Complex article here, Paul Mooney is always an interesting read.

Serena Williams Impersonation: Was it Racist?

So apparently they do this in tennis a lot, but Caroline Wozniacki in an exhibition match against Maria Sharapova decided to stuff her shirt and shorts to impersonate Serena Williams.  See the video:

She went on to lose that match, by the way.  Notice the heaving, the poising, the booty shaking going on as the crowd hoots and hollers.  Honestly, I didn't know professional tennis was such a goofnugget sport.  It's been mentioned that Andy Roddick has done it before and Caroline Wozniacki had actually done impersonations of more than just Serena, though the Serena bit was the only one to catch any heat.  I'd also like to just answer my own question:  I don't think Wozniacki should be deemed a racist for goofball antics.  In fact, I doubt she even understands what she did.  How could she, possibly?  The objectification and the hypersexualization of the black female body is a concept most likely far outside the realm of her bubbleheaded understanding.  And that's the only problem I have.  Not just with the action, its coverage as well.  Most reports will ask the question:  is it racist?  And this will undoubtedly open the door for skepticism.  Furthermore, most analysts miss the point entirely.  Such a charged and loaded term for the naive antics of a class clown, has no place in the discussion, simply because it won't do any good to those with no bearing on the roots of their preconceived notions, or the origin of their horrid fascination in the black woman's body. 

You can see what Andy Roddick and Novak Djokovic did here.

Pacquiao Memes

Sorry I had to...lol

 

Offfffff course Mitt Romney is a Pac fan and came to come see him right before the fight...

 

All in good fun.  Peace

-Bat

My Resignation/My Arrival

Been awhile since I dropped another gem, and...looks like it's about to be a lot longer:

Niggas I quit.  Black people, I'm sorry I can't help you.  Obama can't help you.  I knew I should've stopped at 2Chainz but nawwwww I didn't push the panic button on that one.  Now they give me this.  I don't even need to say anything else, I don't have any jokes I'm sorry, I'm done I quit, good game.  Tell 'em Dr. King:

Like, I'm serious.  What the fuck is in the water in Atlanta?  A few decades ago, there was a 'system.'  The system was basically white people giving an inch (integration)and taking a mile (finding indirect means to exclude integrated black society from the same resources and prevent any type of true equality).  That system was an Atari.  Now niggas BEEN taken that system, and just rannnnnn with it.  They souped it up so nice, it's now an Xbox 10-fuckin'-80. 

Like I said, I quit.  And with that said...the BAT is back, SURPRISE NYUGA!

Confused?  It is all downhill from here now, and I can't do nothin' about it but have some fun with it. We're gonna die in a few days anyway...

Peace

-Bat

DOMINATE COOKING

Ever since I got put on the Kobe System, I been dominating everything I do, this is the most dominant post you'll ever read.  THANK YOU BASED KOBE BRYANT.  Listen to this while you read the post:

I dominate everything I dominate breathing.  I breathe harder than everybody oh my God I'm Kobe Bryant.

Kobe just made a system of some new shoes, it's not just shoes, it's some flip flops that you put in the shoes so he's giving you two shoes in one shoe so you can chill while you ball and ball while you chill. 

 I ain't lyin

CHILL WHILE YOU BALL.  It's for the successful though.  So all you unsuccessful niggas can just keep killin yourselves over them J's.  Jordan can suck my nuts I'm Kobe Bryant.  

Shut the fuck up Kanye West.  I'm Kobe Bryant I'm the best on the mutherfuckin planet oh my God based freestyle suck my dick and buy my system bitch.  Sit in on my lectures nigga. 

THANK YOU BASED KOBE BRYANT

 

 Kobe System teaches you how to fuck and not give a fuck.  FUCK AND NOT GIVE A FUCK.  I'm chillin but I'm ballin though.  Beastion levels.  White bitches come get me.  Kobe System will give the nerdiest nigga wizard on the planet some game. SWAG!

WHO BOUT TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL DOH??? KOBE BRYANT WILL.  But you're not even playing! I DOMINATE WATCHING!  Fuck Tom Brady fuck Eli Manning I'm the greatest quarterback of all time I'm Kobe Bryant oh my God based freestyle I don't even throw the football I just slap that ball across the field with my dangalang bitch based Kobe Bryant suck my dick bitch.  Kobe!

One thing Kobe System can't do:

 

 DOMINATE VIDEO HOES!!!!

Peace out y'all.

 

 

 

"I Tripped and Fell into the Lifeboat. What you fall into? The Water?"

Francesco Schettino's got the falling game on lock.  You can keep fallin' into oceans and shit if you want to, nigga.  People fallin' off buildings, fallin' off boats, and bridges and shit, nigga, shit is scary out here.  But this nigga Francesco fell into life.  Who does that?? Cap'n Francesco does.

I'm talkin' about the Costa Concordia cruise ship going down in Italy.  Here's what my mans had to say:

"The passengers were pouring onto the decks, taking the lifeboats by assault.  I didn't even have a life jacket because I had given it to one of the passengers. I was trying to get people to get into the boats in an orderly fashion. Suddenly, since the ship was at a 60- to 70-degree angle, I tripped and I ended up in one of the boats. That's how I found myself there."

You hear that?  He gave up his life jacket though.  He did all he could to help you niggas 'cause he knew you fall in water.  He fell in a lifeboat.  You mad?

Canada Dry

Before you even ask--yes, it just went down.  Of course, I'm talkin about this vid:

Common has some serious words for Drake, and this is also one of the first times in awhile that a rapper was willing to address the target directly.  For those who don't know the story, go here.  

Personally, I'm torn.  Oh, not about who's killin' who.  To me that's obvious.  I'm torn because I like both rappers and appreciate what they bring to the table.  I bump Take Care and The Dreamer/The Believer.  But I'm here to tell you once and for all that Drake brought this shit on himself and started this whole thing.  Like that article I just mentioned said, that song Sweet, when I first heard it, Drake didn't even come to mind.  He took personal offense to it and here we are.  So what does he do, he puts down some more subliminal verses on Ross's Stay Schemin' talkin' about "nowadays when niggas reach it's just to sell they record."  Again, that could be directed at Com, might not.  Com kills it because he calls him out directly, so there's no mistaking who it's for.  Now there's nowhere for Drake to run, and it's pretty exciting.  Com's legend, but some of y'all still forget that Wheelchair Jimmy can rap.  It's not like all he does is sing and cry about females.

Don't do it. Please. Don't do it.

'Cause he catches bodies, too.  To be honest, I'd like to say Common was the bully pickin' on Wheelchair Jimmy on the playground, but really I think the only reason these two even decided to go at each other because for Common, Drake is about the easiest target to go on.  I'm not all that impressed that you chose the softest man in the game to tease.  Come on, Com! He be droppin' tears over just about every record he makes.  But that's him doin' him.  People like him.  I like him.  It is what it is. 

 The pot calling the kettle black, maybe?

On the other hand, Common is fighting a losing battle against the nature of the industry.  He is undoubtedly the most successful of a long list of rappers to have survived the test of time, a list that includes Andre 3000 and Black Thought, indisputably two of the greatest to ever live.  A lot of Drake's passive-aggressive lines fired in Com's general direction, to me, were more dismissive then anything, "all I ask is when you see me, speak up, nigga, that's all."  Drake can dismiss Common if he wants.  Because ultimately, as sad as it is, he has the younger generation behind him.  Little girls are gonna love him for at least the next three years, 'til the next thing comes along.  But let's address the real issue.  And by the real issue, I mean Mr. Kanye West.

The very first thing Drizzy said in Take Care, the very first thing.  "I think I killed everybody in the game last year."  That includes Ye.  That includes Em, that includes Hov.  Drake is startin' to sound like one of those dudes that forgets what he says moments after he says it.  I use these three as in example because they are three Drake would never go at.  Perfect example: Common's not the first rapper to call out rappers who sing too much.  Did you forget Death of Autotune off of Jay's Blueprint 3?  "My raps don't have melodies."  "You niggas jeans is too tight, ya colors too bright, ya voice is too light."  Drake would never go at Kanye.  He'd never go at Jay, since he already said he'd cry when he dies, but he probably forgot that too.  

ROAST of the week: Cop gets sued for having no game

So, a cop gave this woman $132 speeding ticket, then looked up her address on the police database, found her house, and left a note asking her out, in probably the most awkward, stalker-ish way possible.  The woman responded with not only a 'fuck no,' she took it even further and bitchslapped him with a lawsuit.  Look at what he said:

"It's Chris … that ugly bald Stickney cop who gave you that ticket. … I know this may seem crazy and you're probably right, but truth is I have not stopped thinking about you since. I don't expect a girl as attractive as you to … even go for a guy like me, but I'm taking a shot anyways. "


Now, obviously, the cop saw Bridesmaids, where this cop asks the woman out after dropping the ticket he was going to give her (which means the dummy didn't even get the movie right), but he left a note, and a creepy one at that.  Which brings me to my first point:

The results are in:  the opening pick-up line "Hey, let's fuck," has now reached a higher approval rating than "I've been watching you all night and..."  Not that I'm saying the first one works (all the time), but damn, leaving a note at somebody's house who doesn't know you is probably the weakest shit I've ever heard.  That's about as weak as when Roy Williams sent a ring to his Miss Texas girlfriend--and $76,000--asking her to marry him.  She said no, and was initially hesitant to even give back the ring.  Personally, I thought she should've kept the ring.  That bad press in itself wasn't punishment enough.

 Trick of the Year 2011: Roy Williams, looking baffled

Seriously, if you have no game, women should have the right to put you way on blast.  The dude gave her a ticket in the first place, then tried to trick for some dinner.  She not only said no, but probably wrecked his little self esteem for life with that lawsuit.  This isn't just rejection, which he would've gotten if he had the balls to ask her in person, it's national news, and will probably cause a bit of a sensation.  Now the whole country will know you have no game.   

My last point: fellas.  Stop this lil' dick nonsense of Facebook messaging, poking, leaving notes, having somebody else talk to the girl for you, and whatever other wimp things you can think of.  The answer will always be no.

   Logical.